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May 2009 
In Check?
The Daily Buddha
Good Day,
Last week I talked a good deal about desire during my posts concerning the four noble truths. Now one might think that the complete and utter annihilation of desire is the ultimate goal, but this could be further from the truth than one might first think.
Our human search for happiness begins at birth when with our instinct seek food and satisfy our hunger. We have searched for happiness and the end to our pains since the dawn of time. We have always had this desire and it is at the very heart of our being.
Unchecked it can only bring suffering, but like all things in life, balance is what is required.
So why does desire cause us such issues?
Well it's not so much the problem of desire. . . as it is our methods of trying to make it all about us (desire is most often about us), to centralize it. We feel as though the world is here for us to use for success, for protection. We want to be loved, liked, noticed, stimulated, respected, and on and on. We view everything in this world in relation to "me". Even when we love someone it is always in relation to "me". . .it the only perspective any of us have ever had.
And it's limiting.
To curb our desires we must essentially change our focus. Think of it this way - we can not be happy for ourselves or others if we are always avoiding the things that make "me" unhappy and chasing those things that do make "me" happy. That's not living, its called feeding an addiction and there is no other way to look at it. This is desire unchecked, the type that leads to suffering and unfulfilled lives.
Our new focus must be others and their pursuit of happiness. I know it sounds silly but the act of putting others in the foreground, ahead of our own limited, self cherishing view offers us the new perspective required to break our cycles. And guess what? Our personal desires tend to recede, to take their respective place in our lives and balance themselves out.
Life becomes about something else, it becomes more spacious.
Have a great day and consider this - The secret of happiness is to admire without desiring.
Peace and Love, Jim
Access: Public
Hi Jim,
How would you define “happiness” ?
Thanks!
Ahh a very good question my friend and one I think everyone would answer differently since happiness in this modern world can be quite subjective. Let me give you my best attempt at an answer.
For me the things that bring happiness have changed over the years (or has it?). When I was a small child it seemed as though nothing was required for happiness, I was naturally happy to wake up, to play, to just be.
In my teenage years it was getting the acceptance of my friend and peers. Yes it made me happy to get it, but the work and mindlessness of it eventually woke me up and I realized i was living up to the many facades we build as teenagers.
When I hit thirty, there was no happiness - I had thoroughly lost my way
Now at 44 I am happy and content with who I am and where I am. Life is much simpler than I would have ever wanted to believe in my earlier years. So just how am I defining my happiness? By understanding my desires to be happy and being realistic about the fact that like all things happiness is impermanent and will ebb and flow like all things through life. So instead of constantly questing for happiness, I have learned to simply get up in the morning and be preset to my day for whatever it brings me and where ever it takes me.
I have quit grasping at happiness and realized it's really just a choice, a point of view that I can have or not have in any given moment. I have basically returned to that child that was once happy to just get up and be a part of the world for a day. This is my definition of happy.
Not overtly wanting, craving, chasing, and clinging. Simply letting go and being what I can in the given moment. I do not mean to make it sound so trivial or simple (it's only taken me some 40 odd years to figure this out!), but this is what works for me.
How about you? I noticed we are close in age and experience and I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject as well!
Thanks for the inquiry!
Peace and Love, Jim
Thanks for the thoughtful answer to my question. Ha ha…yes we are both on the otherside of 40…I think its the right side;)
I would not say your being trivial in your description.
To be without desire. To accept the moment whatever it is good or bad. To be aware, but separate from your thoughts and emotions. To be present to this world and others. This is what I take from your thoughts…but I can't call that happiness. It's far better than happiness isn't it?
I would say that happiness is fun but shallow and temporary. In the pursuit of happiness, most of the time we will be something other than happy.
Okay, I am human and I love and desire to be happy.
Can I observe “happiness” as well as other emotions; without identifying with those emotions? Now that is a pursuit.
What other word could be used to name what you are describing that goes beyond what I describe as happiness?
Thanks again!
Tom
Hi Tom, Yes I would agree we are on the better side of the fence at this point in life!
Your thoughts are well put and yes what we are describing goes beyond happiness (which can seem quite trival in comparison at times). It is more of a view, one which allows the pursuit of happiness to fall by the wayside and become more of a choice.
Afterall once you become accepting of all life is going to dish out, the pursuit sort of disappears! It's like hunting for easter eggs on the law, then one day the lawn is removed leaving all the eggs exposed. Not much of a pursuit at that point as it is trying to decide just how many easter eggs you need! :)
It is better than happiness and sometimes words just wont do when attenpting to describe the view we are discussing. If I had to choose some other words I think potential, acceptance and liberation do nicely.
Another way of saying this is that there is no pursuit of happiness when you get to a point where life and what it hands you everyday bring you joy.
Take care my friend and thanks for the enjoyable conversation.
Peace and Love, Jim
Thanks Jim,
Excellent.
I have enjoyed meeting you here.
Tom